A brown and white dog laying on the ground.

Big lessons from a small dog


A person sitting on the ground in front of water.

In a wheelchair beside the Nurses’ Station, a tiny old woman sits, eyes closed, lips parted, hands folded in her lap. Her head droops to one side.  Ragged wisps of hair fall across her forehead.  Her nightgown is rumpled, one slipper missing.

She is alone. Silent, but not asleep.  Visitors pass, a staff member rushing by jostles her wheelchair but offers no apology.  She doesn’t speak. Hours pass. No one notices. Until…

A person sitting on the ground in front of water.A small dog being led by a visitor stops, pulls at his lead and sits quietly at the woman’s feet. After a few seconds, the woman opens her eyes and raises her head. A smile steals slowly across her weathered face at the sight of the little dog. Her watery eyes twinkle.  A surprisingly cheery voice breaks the silence. “Well, hello there! Aren’t you a pretty little thing?†A bony finger reaches down, strokes the little dog’s ear. He stands, reciprocates with a swift lick of his tongue, then sits again, looks up at her expectantly. They regard each other quietly. She reaches down and gently strokes his back.

She turns to the visitor, “Do you take good care of him?â€

“Yes, I do, †the visitor says.

“Well,  make sure you do, now, †she admonishes.  Her soft voice carries a certain honeyed lilt,  typical of that taught  in finishing schools for genteel southern ladies.

“Don’t worry,†the visitor assures her, “I’ll take good care of him, I promise.† A few minutes pass as the woman talks quietly to the little dog.

Finally, she looks up at the visitor, “Thank you.†she says softly.  “Can he come back sometime?”

“You’re welcome, “ says the visitor.  “Of course!  I’ll bring him to see you again.”

The woman smiles as the visitor and the little dog walk away down the hall.

——————–

I was the visitor, and the little dog was my Boston Terrier, Jake.  I was humbled by his simple and spontaneous act of caring.   My heart was heavy as I walked away, suddenly and acutely aware of the lonely, forgotten people around me; people who seldom if ever received visitors, whose lives had so little joy.   I had been one of the guests rushing past.  But what could I do? I didn’t know anything about her.  What if I upset her?  Besides I was busy with all the cumbersome paperwork and scheduling  for my husband’s  short-term physical therapy.

But, in fact….The entire episode lasted less than 5 minutes.  No introductions were made, none needed.  No approval forms were required,  no money changed hands.   A little dog simply administered the strongest medicine of all: love freely given with no thought of return.  Can I do as much?

Why write?


A person sitting on the ground in front of water.As of 8:00 P.M. tonight, 48,173,673 books are available from Amazon.  Of those, over 3 million titles were in literature and fiction, over 1 million in spirituality and religion, over 500,000 in biography and memoir, and almost 2 million in money and business.  Of these, 2,535,376 were e-books,  103,023 were released in the past 30 days and 46,226 were self-published.  And that’s just Amazon.

What are all those books about?  Who wrote them?  Who READS them?  More to the point, who buys them, and which ones?  Food for thought if one aspires to writing as a career.  Even if writing is an avocation, it gives one pause.

So why write? Why indeed.  Aside from the discouraging statistics  above, there are many practical reasons  NOT to write.  Here are a few that come to mind:

1.  The world does not want and certainly does not need a book about “My Heroic Life,† no matter how interesting I think it has been.  Everyone thinks their life is the most interesting.

2.  Writing is hard work and extremely time-consuming.  It’s hard to find  time to get dressed and eat balanced meals, let alone sustain human relationships (although dogs are more forgiving).

3.  Writers must endure increasing levels of rejection.  First come the humiliating rejection letters from publishers.  Then once published, threats of lawsuits from outraged relatives alleging exposure of their disgusting secrets, and, if one is finally successful, hate mail from crazies.  Writers, overly sensitive by nature, are ill-prepared for such abuse and cannot afford the psychological care needed to overcome it.

4.  Writing is expensive.  First there is the laptop – a must-have.  One needs a well-stocked library of classics and writers in one’s genre as well as a respectable stash of writers’ self-help books, membership in writers guilds, attendance at workshops, and (highly recommended) a cabin in the wilderness without distractions of neighbors, family, and social media.

5.  Writing is not good for your health.  Working for long hours at a computer is linked to a myriad of health problems including back pain, headache, poor diet, and depression, to name a few.

I could name others; there are many  excellent reasons not to write.  To tell the truth,  I can’t really think of a good reason to write.  Can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, I write because – It’s just what I do.

 

The Cameo Project


 

A person sitting on the ground in front of water.

Many of you have shared with me stories of inspiring women in your lives that shatter the stereotypes of the “Southern Woman.†  Beautiful, capable, and strong women, funny,  eccentric, sometimes a little crazy, and in every size, shape and color.  Such great stories!  And I know there are so many more out there and  I want everyone to hear them!    So, I’m inviting you to be part of my blog by joining the Cameo Project.

Here’s how it works.  Email a one-page double-spaced story about an important Southern Woman in your life to me at sanderlmc@icloud.com, along with a one or two sentence profile of yourself.   I will post them exactly as you send them, so please make sure they are  proofread for spelling,  grammar, and accuracy of facts.    Accompanying pictures must be in the public domain or be something you own.

Submission of your story, profile statement and image serves as your permission for me to post them on my website.  however,  you will retain all copyright to your work.

The Sew and Sew’s


A person sitting on the ground in front of water.That’s what they call themselves.  Of course they do.

They might admit,  if they got to know you, that it’s a little trick we use to behave in a manner likely to meet resistance.  Admit we’re fixin to cause a fuss, but in a good way.  We’re coloring outside the lines here,  (we’re “so and so’s” );  you’re going to have to do without us for an entire day every week.  No cooking, no cleaning, no taxi…but hey, it’s for a good cause; we’re sewing.   Confusing, huh.  But who can argue with it?  And there  are several of us, so if you are a disgruntled husband, employer, kid, or relative who wants our attention, you’re not alone.  Get over it!

They meet once a week to sew for local hospitals, have “dinner” together and just talk, but mostly to sew.  And they are prolific.  Blankets, caps, pillows, aprons, smocks, quilts,.. whatever hospitals request. There is an assembly line of cutters, sewers,  finishers.  Patterns are “pieced” to conserve fabric, and leftovers bigger than a 4″ square are made into quilts.  Quilt blocks are fashioned from pages of expired phone books.  No one is paid, rewarded or recruited.  Fabric is donated…or sometimes someone finds a sale.  These are women with busy lives; families, jobs;  all the time demands  we all have.  And yet here they are,  every Thursday,  all day.  And every month, boxes of finished products are loaded into the trunk of an ancient Lincoln and distributed to hospitals and nursing homes.

Of course, the idea is not new.  Women have gathered to quilt and sew for centuries.  As children, my cousins and I played under the quilt frame in my grandmother’s living room.  I remember how excited we were  to watch the frame holding the growing quilt lowered from the ceiling.  For a wonderful afternoon, we were allowed to play here in our private “fort”,  bordered by black lace-up brogans and long gingham dresses,  accompanied by the chatter of soft voices, the tinkle of ice in sweet tea glasses, the crackle and hiss of logs burning in the fireplace, the occasional chair scraping on the hardwood floor.   We knew something important, something special was happening.  We didn’t know what; we just wanted to be there.

These were not quilts for display, they were for warmth against the cold winter nights. They weren’t from designer fabrics, but from scraps,  worn out clothing or flour sacks.  (And yes, flour really did come in cotton sacks; I had dresses made from them..)  Everyone worked on all the quilts and the finished products were shared by all.  By the winter there would be enough for all the families.  But it wasn’t about just making quilts;  it was about sharing.  Sharing news, joys, sorrows,  hopes,  home remedies, recipes, prayers.  Always prayers.  Especially during the war times.  There was no Google, no health insurance, no Dr. Phil or Oprah, no psychiatrist; all they had was each other.  It had to be enough.

But those were different days. These ladies don’t need quilts for warmth. They really don’t need quilts at all.  These women have traveled, held jobs outside the home,  attended college.  The tangible needs met by their grandmothers’ sewing circles are now met in other ways.   Social media provides instant communication with family and friends.  Thanks to immunizations and antibiotics,  devastating diseases have been eradicated by vaccines and antibiotics.  On the surface, the sewing circle would appear to have outlived its usefulness.  Yet it persists, and if anything, is growing.

I suspect this is because the sewing circle feeds the soul with the spirit of community,  and I think this  was what I sensed as a child.  I think we hunger and always have, for the sense of belonging and contribution that comes from spending time with  neighbors; from cheerfully responding to the needs of others,  giving without thought of return.  In our fast-paced,  egocentric  society,  I think we feel the need for community more than ever.  It’s certainly  true for me and I am truly grateful to these ladies and thousands of other like them for preserving this beautiful tradition.

.A little disclaimer here; I know these ladies.  I grew up in this community; our grandmothers were friends and relatives.  And as wonderful as they are, they are not unique.   There are sewing circles in church basements,  community centers and private homes everywhere, quietly continuing the traditions of the sewing circle.    And I suspect if you asked any one of them why she does this, you would be met with a blank stare, and possibly a seat at a sewing machine.

So the next time the newscast gets you down, your kid scews up Again!,  someone loses a job, or you’re just having a bad hair day,  maybe look up a sewing group.  Might just mend your soul.  God bless’m.

With apologies to Mr. Bunker..


A person standing in front of some water with swans.Boy, the way Glenn Miller played. Songs that made the hit parade.

Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the days.
And you knew who you were then, girls were girls and men were men.
Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.
Didn’t need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee, our old LaSalle ran great. Those were the days.

Those Were The Days, written by Lee Adams and Charles Strouse

Maybe so, Archie, and yes, we never locked the doors and it was safe to walk the streets at night.  You knew the A person standing in front of some water with swans.neighbors,  people helped each other.  Life was slower, simpler… BUT

Elastic on underwear was not sewn in but only threaded through casings, and if  it broke (and it frequently did), you were literally caught with your pants down!  And then there was hair care.  Curls were the thing, but there were no “home” permanents  Hair was rolled onto rods, and baked on electric rods in beauty shops.  Need I say more?  And hair color?  You might end up with  green or purple hair in an attempt to be blonde.  And it was permanent.  Nice

A person sitting on the ground in front of water.Canning today is cool.  It’s fun to grow your own strawberries and make your own jam.  Or to buy pomegranete/boysenberry jam tied up with a boquet of lavendar at the Farmers’ Market.  But “back in the day,” canning was a necessity.  Home freezers didn’t exist.   Fresh fruits and vegetables were available only in season so they were harvested or purchased  in large quantities,  and canned for the winter.   This had to be done quickly to avoid spoilage.  The entire family participated and the work was frequently  shared among families.  Children washed jars and  peeled, men cut food  into slices and  carried the heavy baskets and jars, ladies cooked and put into jars.  It was dangerous, hard and  tedious work.  And uncomfortable. The weather was almost always hot (no AC).  And it was far from an exact science  It didn’t always work.

But most of all, we forget (or never knew) about laundry.  Almost an afterthought for us, accomplished automatically in the A person standing in front of some water with swans.background while we do other things, laundry for our grandmothers was a day-long, weekly arduous task.  There was no liquid soap or stain remover.  Stains were removed on wash-boards with bar soap, often home-made.  Unlike the pretty bar soap we buy today at boutiques, they contained no oatmeal flakes, rose petals or lavender beads.   It was either lye soap or lard soap, and it didn’t smell good.  There were no dryers;  washing machines had wringers.  Laundry was hand-cranked between  rollers,  the wet soggy mess dropped into laundry baskets,  lugged to clotheslines and  hung with clothespins to dry – unless it rained.  Then laundry was hastily retrieved and draped over everything in the house that was upright.  Today,  although drying laundry on clotheslines in the fresh air has some merit, it’s an alternative to the dryer.  We seldomA person standing in front of some water with swans. iron today. But most clothing and linens were ironed in the “old days.”  Laundry was  soaked in  liquid  starch prepared by dissolving a powder in boiling water,  and then ironed while still damp with a dry iron.  No spray starch, no  “permanent press.”

So, Mister Bunker, you have a point.  But if we’re honest, we don’t really want our grandparents’ lives.  Their lives were harder and their world was far from peaceful.  Most lived through two world wars and a depression.   So instead of pining for the “good old days,” we should be focusing on making these days better ones.  After all, they’re going to be the “good old days” for our grandchildren.

Author’s note:  Inspired by newspaper columns  by Mrs. Juanita Agan in the archives of the Minden Press Herald.